Rumors of his being an actual ‘Aqua-Terrestrial’ are no doubt greatly exaggerated. However, it is a documented fact that Diver Ed has spent most of his life on, or in, the water. Armed with his degree in Human Ecology, his past experiences as Harbormaster, Mastermind of the Smithsonian Marsh Biome and the discoverer of Three New Salty Species… Diver Ed now explores the depths of Frenchman Bay to bring the wonders of the Undersea to You.
Degrees in Anthropology & Archaeology, Masters in Child Psychology (useful for dealing with Diver Ed) and studies in Scientific Illustration brought mild mannered Edna Martin to the fleet where she Captained first the m/v Seal, and now the r/v Starfish Enterprise. Staying topside, Captain Evil narrates the journey, explains the creatures seen on the giant screen, and communicates with Diver Ed while he is down below.
Guardians of all that is good and with slobber stronger than super glue, Leviathan & Halo the Wonder Pup are forever ready to Protect the Innocent, Defend the Defenseless, or just Get Wet.
Most encyclopedias get icky when wet, but not Eilon! Count on him, wet or dry, to answer any question. He knows his lobsters inside and out, with lemon-butter and without!
You may think Tobiah is just another pretty face, but he’s helpful as all get-out, and boy does he know his engines! Be it planes, trains, boats or automobiles, he can tell you what makes it tick!
How did you meet Diver Ed? Whoa, good question. Well, let’s see. That’s a lot of years ago now. Actually, my first dive buddy, Will, introduced us. Back then, my dives were a lot more tame: bathtubs, kiddie pools – occasionally I’d do a kitchen sink and that could get kind of dicey, but for the most part, nothing really dangerous.
I did learn a lot of good moves, though. Will was kind of a master of the controlled stunt.
What’s a controlled stunt? Well, in the tub, you do a lot of really intense physical stuff, but it’s pretty well choreographed. Like, sure, you might get attacked by a great white shark, but, you know, it’s got a squeaker in its mouth so how bad can it be? Or you might have to fight a giant squid, but at the end of the bath you all go back into the same storage bin, so you really try and stay professional about it in the tub. If you trust the other performers – no one gets hurt.
Where was I? Oh, right, Eddie.
So there I was – decent life, good benefits… but I just always felt like there was something… missing, you know? And then one day Will brought me out to meet Eddie and suggested we dive together. I don’t think Eddie was really sure about it, to tell you the truth, but Will kinda’ talked him into it, and the rest… well, the rest is history. We’ve been diving together ever since.
That first dive, whew! I had no idea what to expect. I’d never been in the open ocean before! Yeah, okay, technically it was a bay… but believe me, when you’ve done all your diving in a tub… Frenchman Bay feels pretty darned unprotected.
It was dark, I remember being surprised at how dark it was. And it was cold, kinda creepy. Eddie turned the light on… and then… I mean… wow. I had never seen anything like it. There were anemones, brittle stars, urchins, and the sea stars! Oh my gosh, the sea stars! In, like, every color you can imagine. Unreal. And I remember there was a giant sea cucumber – I um, well, I went over to check it out… and, um… well, I wound up kissing it.
What’s it like to kiss a sea cucumber? Ha ha ha, try it! It was kinda squishy, but really neat. I kiss them all the time now. It’s sort of awkward for me, because I’m so small and all – I mean, that’s my job really, to show everyone how big something under water actually is – but I’m so small I can get sucked in sometimes. That’s when it’s good to have my dive buddy, Eddie. He hauls me out. Mostly.
My favorite creatures? Oh, man, I don’t know – they’re all great! I guess though the ones that makes my pulse speed up though are the lobsters. Why? Well, I tend to get into a lot of nasty scraps with them, and this is serious stuff. No squeakers on these guys, they are tough and they are strong. The pincer claw hurts, but it’s the crusher claw that does you in. Man, I have lost more limbs and more heads thanks to lobsters…
What? Yeah, I’ve lost lots, watch the videos. I’m on, like, my ninety-something’s body now.
Go back to the tub? No way! This isn’t the easiest gig, that’s for sure, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Nope. I’m staying right where I am, with Diver Ed. See you on board!